Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Oh my, ewwww: what do you do when what seems to be isn't, and what isn't really is?

Brandon and I had our first experience a moment ago with the whole "we're poor and married," and live in an adorable little crap hole.

I was being a good wife and making dinner for Brandon when I opened my fridge only to find some gray lint and what looked like mouse poop. Naturally, I freaked out and screamed to Brandon that I found mouse poop and we probably have a mouse problem, and we're going to be infected for life, and then I got weak in the knees and wanted to barf. Upon further investigation, I realized that the mouse poop was in fact a chocolate chip, calmed down, realized I should not jump to conclusions so irrationally, and had a moment's rest, until... dot dot dot. Upon further investigation, I realized that while the "mouse poop" was actually a chocolate chip, the gray lint was in actuality a little dead baby MOUSE. Then, I jumped up and down, freaked out again, while Brandon did the manly thing and got rid of it. Interestingly enough, as he cleaned out the bottom of the fridge, a bunch of gray lint came out from underneath that was not mice, and there were no more chocolate chips, or "chocolate chips."

How is a girl supposed to live when what looks like poop is really chocolate and what looks like lint is really a disgusting rot trap of nastiness that will haunt me in nightmares, and probably give me the plague? There really is a great lesson to be learned here about not trusting first appearances. What is it? Don't judge a book by its cover. All I'm saying is check the lint rack on your dryer BEFORE touching it with your hands. It could be mice.

Ugh. The good news is Brandon is a hero and he's going to buy mouse traps and that he ASSURED me there aren't any mice in our cupboards, our bed or my purse. I don't believe him, but whatever. The double good news is I lost my appetite and probably won't be able to eat ever again, so I am about to lose those extra 15 lbs. I've been wanting to lose. Oh yeah.

P.S. I have a picture, but didn't post it, because I don't want a dead mouse on my blog.  I hope you understand.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Favorite Conversation of June

In an elevator in Chiang Mai with two Middle Eastern men

Middle Eastern Man: Where are you from?

My Little Brother: America

Ashley: Where are you from?

Middle Eastern Man: Afghanistan

Really Awkward Silence

Middle Eastern Man: Something unintelligible

Me: What?

Middle Eastern Man: We are in a war. We are fighting.

Uncomfortable Awkward Laughing

Me: Good thing we’re not fighting.

Doors open. Middle Eastern Men exit.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Twinsies?

You know how sometimes people pull the “you look exactly like someone I know,” thing and then you really hope it’s not somoene totally ugly and disgusting looking?!?!

One time someone told me that I looked like this guy they knew. Bast-itch (That's my new unisex swear word to express disgust in another person).

Anyway, recently, someone told me that I looked like Lexi Grey from Grey's Anatomy. Since I rarely watch TV, I didn't know who that was.

Then, I googled and found this:








I've studied the picture for a long time trying to decide if that green shirt brings out her eyes the same way in which it would bring out mine and if her brown hair is quite and flowy as mine. I've decided that this can only be settled by comparing some of my best pictures to hers.

Me in my work outfit:























Lexi in her work outfit:















Me in front of the camera:
















Lexi in front of the camera:


















Me with a friend:















Lexi with a friend:












I don't know...what do you guys think?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Memoirs of 2 Sundance Film Festival Goers

Some of you may know that Zachary Dukepoo and I have been friends for quite some time. Quite a bunch of fun-having has been had by Ashley and Zach the past 15 years. However, one of the funnest (this word is officially in the dictionary now, so I'm using it) and funniest events in the History of Zach and Ashley was Sundance Film Festival 2003.

Zach got these sweet tickets to an insider party exclusively for owners of Volkswagen Bugs (some of you may have seen the State Farm Bug driving around...Albrecht family ownership of that baby is what got us in). Anyway, we drove to the party. It was totally fun. We ugly danced around, had a few Red Bulls, someone thought that my Zach was Zach Braff starring in Garden State, and then the Zach Fan Man didn't believe him when he said that he was a Zach, but not Zach Braff. Then, I felt like the date of a famous person as the guy stared at us the rest of the time and spread rumors about Zach's famousness.

Well, the night went great and around 1:30am, immune to the Red Bulls, we were super tired and we decided we had Park City partied enough and it was time to go back to Provo.

I don't know if any of you remember the Great Inversion of 2003, but for a few weeks, it was 100% foggy and driving home on that night was like driving through an ozone-sized glass of Vitamin D milk.

We had been driving through the milk for about 2 hours, excited to reach our destination, and just as I had dozed off, I awoke to the shout of Zach, "WE'RE IN WYOMING!!!" Confused and alarmed, I exclaimed, "No!" (Actually, I don't remember what I said). However, to my dismay, there was the Welcome to Utah sign staring down at our tired selves.

We laughed for a hundred years, took pictures at the Welcome to Utah sign, and then drove our pretty selves back to Provo, making it home shortly after 4am.